Your WHAT is falling off?

Actual conversation:

Jack: "Dad, can this part of your penis fall off?" 

(Thank me for sparing the pictures this time)

Dad: "What?!"

Mom: hiding behind book laughing hysterically

Jack: "Is this part of my penis falling off?"

Dad: "I don't know. Ask your Mom."

Jack: "Mom, is this part of my penis falling off?"

Mom: "No, I think it's fine."

Jack: "Is it bad if this part of your penis falls off?"

Dad: "It's bad if any part of your body falls off.  Go get in the bath."

Jack: "Ok." (walks away and looks very concerned)

Dad: "Jack, did your brother tell you that?"

Jack: "Yes."

No Jack Allowed

Jack is not allowed in the bathroom by himself until further notice.  Says me.  "Why?" You might ask...  Let me count the reasons...

1. Mysteriously, large amounts of "foamy soap" have appeared on the wall, floor, and cabinets around the bathroom after Jack has washed his hands.  When I say "large amounts" I mean "Holy crap - How did half the soap container get on the walls and floor!?"

2. After sending Jack to wash his hands, I have found that Michael's retainer cleaning bowl has been filled with foamy soap, mouthwash, toothpaste, and basically anything BUT retainer cleaner. Not that he is allowed to touch the retainer cleaner - because he dumped one full $10 bottle down the drain about 3 months ago.  

3. Michael's retainer has been dropped in the toilet. AFTER Jack peed. 

4. Gracie has been closed in the bathroom. With Jack. And when I opened the door, Gracie flew out and hid for a long, long time. 

5. Jack just came into me and said "I just made A LOT of toilet water. A LOT.  And the wipes aren't going down."

Is it vacation time YET?